Self-Destruction is the theme of the day!! So take your pills and bite your nails!! Cut your arms and masturbate !! Self Loathe!! Disintegrate!! Be Bitter and be alone!! Hate your love and think like an evil scientist!! Plot and scheme.
I was gonna try to make this blog a non-personal thing. I wanted it to be so unconnected to my personal life as possible. Just a stream of emotions and thoughts completely separate from my existence but totally joined with our existence. I'm troubled by the events of my life and the heat of my emotions have not allowed me to cool out utilizing the usual tools of comfort. I don't use my guitar to give my passive agressive monkey on my back a banana because all I can think of is that stupid fucking idiot frat boy carichature with his NY yankees cap with its unbent brim tilted slightly sideways and his desk drawer full of Flunitrazepam and condoms with his untuned 6 string in a stand at the end of his bed below a fucking Bob Marley or Sublime poster. Hijacked, fucking hijacked. So anyone who reads this, which I doubt anyone does, gets to listen to me bitch and complain about the slipping beliefs I once held and because of personal tragedy and love lost scenarios are making pack up and take a trip... in whatever sense of the word helps.
I used to be so objective. I would comfort a lonely friend with "emotions are temporary" or "all you need is you". The desire to smash all that tries to do the same to me is a pretty formative emotion at the moment and I hope to hell that "emotions are temporary."
Don't get this wrong, if you're thinking this is some kind of end note, it's not. I don't think suicide in its self is really a worthwhile venture. Of course it does solve some problems, but I believe in Karma and Reincarnation, so why create a brand new fucked situation when I can sit in the piss of this one while its still warm and not smelling of ammonia yet. Again more beliefs that are being shaken off of my crown: "Everyone I experience is a result of their own karmic pasts and they are merely playing their part as they are responsible to the universe and I need not be hurt nor angry with a mere mortal taking orders from the everything that is existense." Hahahaha, fuck that shit, it is pure and absolute filthy knowledge that I believe but cannot accept at the moment.
Fuck it, it's a phase. I'm just angry.
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